Two.

Today i feel like crying. I dont have a specific reason why, nothing has plucked my heartstrings or upset me. But i can feel it. The lump in my throat, like a bubble of emotions trying to escape that i keep swallowing to stop from coming out, for fear of how it will sound. The prickly, tingly feeling i get in the tip of my nose, warning me that tears are about to overflow their dam. My body knows by now that once that dam has burst its banks, it will leak for the rest of the day.

Its tiring being emotional. Its tiring trying to resist giving in to my body and letting myself shed these tears, as i know it may cleanse my soul but i will feel even more emotionally drained afterwards than i do just now. Its a battle every day. Will i use more energy holding up the wall to protect my village from flooding or should i let my village flood and use my energy to repair the damage afterwards? What is the better choice in the long run?

I seem to be much more emotional these days than i used to be, which is saying something as i have always been very empathetic and sensitive, but since my diagnosis and the daily use of multiple types of medication to manage it, it seems to be a daily occurrence that something makes me cry – good or sad tears. I am unsure if it’s a symptom of my condition or a side effect from the medication, all i know is that its tiring.

W.♡